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A.D.H.D, night terrors & Insomnia…….

My Son suffered night terrors since he was a baby.  I use the word  “suffered” because that’s exactly how it was for him.  Constant broken, disturbed sleep with day time fatigue, due to lack of sleep.

Night terrors, really are awful. Anyone who has to deal with them in their lives, I truly feel sorry for both sufferer and parent/parents.  Raising children is a tough job on its own, add extreme sleep deprivation and it’s debilitating.

So many children with ADHD struggle to sleep at the best of times, lying in bed, sometimes for hours before they can shut off.  Spencer would sit up all night long, drawing pictures.  His brain literally couldn’t shut off.  When he did eventually start to feel tired and fall asleep, within 1-2 hours, he would be up running around the house.  Screaming at the top of his lungs. It could take up to 20 minutes of him in a state of pure terror before I could calm him down. This 20 minutes would feel like an hours.

The older Spencer got, the more sever the night terrors became.  There was a clear link between stress and severity of terror.  If he had a bad few days at school, the night terrors would so intense, his heart would beat so fast, he struggles to breath.  He would take palpitations and break his heart.  Resulting in him being left exhausted, mentally drained and miserable.  This was happening 4-5 nights a week ( bad terror ) 2-3 night ( milder terror ).

After years of this, he started taking bad nose bleeds.  The pressure in his head, the adrenalin pumping so intensely, his nose would burst open and pour like a tap.  I’ve never in my life seen anyone whose nose could  bleed this bad.  So imagine, running around the house in sheer terror and panic, with blood pouring out your nose and totally unaware of your surroundings.  The poor darling was left feeling traumatized . He would end up being so scared to fall asleep, he would be up into the night, which would cause exhaustion, resulting in his night terror being more severe.  It was a viscus circle!!

When Spencer was in ” panic” mode while having a night terror, I would talk to him calmly and slowly.  For him, his dreams were real. His eye’s would be open and could speak but his brain was asleep.  Imagine how scary that would be, especially for a child.  He would scream for me, I would be sitting or standing right beside him and he couldn’t see me. I would ask him to find my hand, ” find mummy’s hand, Spencer ” over and over until he reached out for my hand.  Once he got hold of my hand, he wouldn’t let it go.  Then I could slowly and calmly get him to waken up.  Once he had my hand, he knew he was safe.  That Mum was here and she’s gonna help me.

I took him to a sleep clinic & Pediatric Dr, to try get him help with the night terrors.  They were now debilitating for him. One night he tried to open his brother’s window and climb out. If AJ hadn’t woken up and stopped him, he might not be here today. That was the last straw!!! No more getting fobbed off by Doctor’s. He couldn’t/wouldn’t stay away from home for a sleepover and was so exhausted his ADHD symptoms were through the roof! He became manic, couldn’t cope and crashed in depression. That’s when he was prescribed Circadin 2mg Melatonin by his psychologist.  He has been taking Melatonin since the age of 11. He takes 4mg 1 hour before bed.

Since Spencer has been taking melatonin, his night terrors are few and far between.  It’s been a God send for him. It really has improved the quality of his life. If he doesn’t have them, he can’t fall asleep or even feel tired.  Melatonin in non drowsy.  It’s slowly released, manipulating the brain, that its bed time.

The body produces melatonin at night, (When it’s  dark) and serotonin during the day, ( When It’s light) unfortunately too many people with adhd are struggling to either, get to sleep, or stay sleeping. Waking up feeling, like you’ve had 2 hours sleep and exhausted. Brain working on overdrive!

If you do take melatonin? Or  considering taking it, remember you must take it, then go to bed in a dark room.  If you take it while watchin tv,  or on your laptop/mobile phone.  Then it won’t work the way is should. Any light, stimulating the brain will release, serotonin!

For Spencer, this little tablet has changed his life.  Fingers crossed it continues.

Would love to hear if anyone else takes Melatonin? How it works for you? or doesn’t!

LORI XXXXX

 

I think my son’s need #bratcamp and so does the dog!

Seriously though, my boy’s are on another level right now and it’s too much!

These last 3 days have been torture, bloody torture. I know teenagers are, well teenagers! I was one, you were one, we have all been one. I put my mother through hell and back, so I get it! But these boys of mine are in a league of their own.

Control my house, dictate from morning till night, tantrums worse than their toddler sister and the stinking attitudes, oh their the worst. How can 2 boy’s who have been loved and guided so much, behave like animals?

I’m considering hiding the go-pro, record them, sit them down and make them watch it!

Tomorrow better be a good day! I’m hanging by a thread!!!!!

#A.D.H.D mixed with hormone’s = overload.

A.D.H.D is hard to cope with at the best of times, add in teenage hormones and you have a recipe for disaster. An overload of emotions, anxiety, panic, worry, anger, fatigue, manic behaviour, feelings of hopelessness and increased eating with weight gain.  I know just about every teenager on the planet will have these magnified emmotions during puberty but someone with A.D.H.D these are magnified beyond being able to function and will most defiantly interfere with every aspect of life.

During puberty, your A.D.H.D child will be overwhelmed dealing with life.  They need extra support, love, understanding and most importantly patience.  Don’t get me wrong, I find it hard at times trying to cope with Spencer’s explosive behaviour to the point I’m in a rage myself.  Parents can be too hard on themselves, we strive every day to be better for our children.  But we are human, we make mistakes but we must learn.  with this acknowledgment of our own behaviours, we can teach out children to acknowledge theirs. the worst thing you can do to a child, especially with adhd, is make them feel guilty.  Guilt will manifest and become an explosion of anger possibly depression, making the symptoms worse.  Not to mention guilt and shame will chip away their self-esteem, which could cause life long damage.

My Son will be lovely one minute then the most silliest thing could set him off into a rage.  It’s like a light switch!  Trying to reason with him over his outburst just makes the situation worse.  I can find it hard to cope with because its hard to make the right choice to deal with this behaviour.  Do I remain calm and make it clear that attitude and behaviour is unacceptable, which can end up, us in argument or do I let it go as I know he doesn’t mean what he says, but the consequence of that will make him think it’s acceptable to behave and speak to me like that.  So it can be hard to make the right choice.  Add in the fact you have other children, a job or adult education and life in general, it can make the situation even harder to deal with. When Spencer kicks off, its full on rage.  Total crazy behaviour.  The thing’s he says to his Dad and I can be very hurtful.  He can threaten violence and at times be violent.  How do u deal with this? Would you accept your other children without adhd doing this? No, so why allow this behavior from children with adhd.  You must stand your ground, be firm and never make false threats. Say what you mean and act on what you say.  It’s the only way they will respect us as parents.  Be calm, be clear, be honest and be firm. I always say a combination of firm but fair is the best approach.  Don’t be violent or verbally violent at any time.  you will just make the situation erupt, set your child up for failure by making him more angry and lose all control.  Plus how can you guid your child not to be  violent or verbally abusive, by being violent and verbally abusive yourself? Learned behavior is real. Too many parents dont awknowledge this.  Our kids learn from us, how we deal and respond to their needs, feelings, actions, attitude,and so forth, teaches them how to deal with the needs of others.  We must be emotionally connectd to our kids. Sad thing is, not every parent understands or knows how too!

One thing to always remember, love and nurturing heal’s even the sadest of hearts. And it’s never to late to make positive changes in a negative environment.

LORI xxx

 

Where have I gone wrong? My son’s hate each other. #brothersatwar #teenagesiblings #adhd #helpme #mumreadytocrack

What a day I’ve had. Once again my whole house like a war zone, thing’s broken, burst lip, abusive behavior, screaming, threatening, anger, frustration and tears. WTF! All from my 2 son’s, who quite frankly, HATE each other.

My oldest son who is 17 is the culprit. He has always been controlling of his younger brother, even as a young child he dominated almost every situation. unfortunately this has continued all his life. It was always more than just the ” shotgun” front car seat or who gets the bigger bowl of ice cream, or who gets to pick the film or stay up later. It’s over everything. Most sibling rivalry is normal. It happens in every house all over the world. When it gets to the point of violence with mental abuse, it’s not acceptable. It’s bullying. My eldest son, bully’s his brother and I’m stuck in the middle.

What I can’t cope with is the way he makes his brother feel. Spencer has been bullied most of his life. He has adhd with sever anxiety. By no means is he a fragile little boy, he gives as good as he gets but its been constant throughout his life. He struggles with social ques, which hinders relationship building with his peers. He has no filter and can take things too far. To round it up, AJ is embarrassed and resentful of his little brother. I’ve blamed myself, it must have been me, I must have not given him the same time and attention as his little brother, maybe I’ve been to hard on him growing up? maybe I’m putting him under too much pressure to help guide his brother to make good choices? As Spencer is a visual learner, always has been. I’ve thought of every reason for his behaviour. The truth is, AJ is a spoiled brat. Who bully’s his brother. He’s 17, an adult, who’s needing to grow the f”ck up.

His attitude blows me away. He’s horrible. Mean, spiteful, verbally abusive, cruel, selfish, bitter, twisted and will accept no responsibility for his actions. My son, who has been loved, cherished, wanted for nothing, had a privileged life, has a mum who has devoted her life to the 3 of them, has grown up to be a horrid person. He thinks he’s the Dad of the house, who wants to rule and dominate. Not only does he speak to his brother like a piece of shit, he speaks to his Dad the same. No respect for the man who’s worked every day of his life, to provide and give him a good life. No respect for myself or the fact his little 4-year-old sister witness’s all of it. I can’t cope with this anymore. I genuinely feel resentful of my son. I don’t know who he’s become? Or like who he’s become.

The kids of the generation are doomed. Selfish, entitled spoiled brats. Who walk around thinking the world owes them. I could understand AJ’s behaviour if he had a bad childhood or had to deal with hardship with no emotional support from me. His childhood has been the opposite. He’s been loved and cherished, supported throughout his whole life. Why has he become this way?? Is it my fault?? Have I spoiled him and not guided him the way I think I have? Or is this just typical teenage behaviour?? One ting I do know, I will not accept one more violent outburst towards his brother, Spencer is not his verbal or physical punch bag.

AJ has always been so kind, thoughtful and loving. That’s why I can’t understand why he’s become like this. He runs down the street to stop old people and carry their shopping, is so polite and manerable. Has stayed on at school when all his friends left. He’s in 6th year, taking more highers to get into university, wants a good life. Yet he behaves like this at home. This last 2 years has been pure torture raising him. I’m stuck! I wont put him out my house as he’s my child and that will solve nothing plus add another ton of stress onto me. I just need support to understand his behaviour. I’m an only child, so I never had any of these problems to deal with growing up.

I want my son back, I want my Son’s to be brothers and love each other. I would have done anything for a sibling. They are so lucky to have each other. Will their relationship change when they grow up?? Or will they just live separate lives??

They are breaking my heart. Its hard enough having to deal with Spencer’s meltdowns, I don’t need AJ to be doing it too. It just makes me feel like a shit mum who’s let her children down.

It’s also causing my husband and I to argue, It’ like a domino effect. I think he’s being too tough. He needs to be there on an emotional level instead of a dominearing authoritive figure. AJ and his Dad just mimic each others behavior.

Any guidance from other mum’s, Dad’s or guardians will be greatly appreciated. help!!!

LORI  ( mum ready to crack ) xxx

THE LOST CHILD

The things you’ve been through at a young age kills me inside.

To drop you off everyday at school, knowing you would be suffering.

To see all emotions pouring out making you vulnerable and open to hurt.

Look into your eyes, nothing. Empty, broken inside. No sparkle only terror.

knowing you would be ostracised and tormented till braking point.

Nobody cares, they watch as if your value is worthless.

That day you pretended you won a trophy just to make me smile, you saw the sadness in me like I you. I cried myself to sleep that night. I felt guilt that I made you feel worthless too.

No party invites or friends for you, for you are not worthy. How wrong are they. You will get the last laugh.

For what they don’t know is the level of empathy you hold and the raw kindness you bestow on the world.

You see and feel it all, every emotion possible. Made to feel shame, the worst of them all.

Your heart is beautiful, your spirit will not be broken no matter how hard they try.

I love you with every piece of my being, my heart, my soul. To me your are perfect.

My lost child, my Son. You are worth more than you will ever know.

Always and forever Mum xxxxx

Time for action……

If I don’t fight for his rights, who will??

I’ve had a long break from the blog as I haven’t been fully myself for a while.  Things had gotten so bad it left me feeling very low and at times depressed.  I never had any drive or get up and go for months. I just felt quite numb actually.  Watching my wee boy have the same issues as myself, has given me the kick up the back side I needed and put the fight back in me! How can I help him overcome his fears and anxious mind when i’m struggling with my own.  Mine stem from the sadness I feel at how he’s treated and feeling frustrated at the system that’s failing all our kids. As a mum who’s sole responsibility  is to love and protect her children, why do I feel like I’ve failed? the feelings of guilt eat me away. I feel like I’ve let him down.  Feeling that I scream from the top of my lungs but nobody can hear me. It’s not me though, it’s them! The very people who we seek help for our babies. They’re the ones who have let him down. Let so many down! I cant even imagine how broken he feels inside? My pain is nothing compared to his.  Enough is enough!!!! I’m not tolerating  it no more…… BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!